This Isn't A Musical
by rippedblackjeans
Summary: This is a response to a challenge I got. Hermione/Jane/Draco/Harry and, it has a little bit of the rabbit from Alice In Wonderland. Rated M just in case.


Hey guys! I was really, really bored and was reading like, my favorite fanfic by LostLoveIsDead called 'Because it's Tuesday'. Its super good and I decided I'd try out and write my own one shot. Now, this was a challenge that was on a forum here, she has the link on her story so check it out but here's what I did. Enjoy!

PS I put this as a cross over between two but really, there should be more! I would like to say now that THE RABBIT FROM ALICE IN WONDERLAND IS IN THIS. So it's a cross between, New Moon, Harry Potter and Alice in Wonderland.

**This isn't a musical**

By Ella Marie

"Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true."

It was cold in the library, which was odd considering Hermione had remembered the library being warm and welcoming. It had been her hide out for ages, ever since she started Hogwarts and even the muggle one back at home.

She took one look at the young girl who had welcomed her to the library. She'd never seen her in the library before, ever. She wasn't normal looking either. She was short, pale, blonde and had piercing red eyes with a sinister grin.

"Hello Jane."

Jane smiled and she hoped off her chair and skipped her way over to Hermione. She looked around to see if anyone was listening, which was stupid, I mean, no one ever came to the library at three o'clock in the morning.

Hermione looked Jane in the eyes and said, "Did Harry die?"

Jane looked puzzled and shook her head. "No."

"Oh… I must have had that dream again."

Jane still looked puzzled but shook it off, not wanting to get into any details for the moment; she had something important to say.

"I have a moral dilemma," she whispered, taking Hermione's hand.

"Does it involve alcohol?" Hermione asked.

"No…" Jane said.

"Does it require alcohol?"

Jane rolled her eyes and pinched Hermione. Hermione glared at Jane but didn't say anything. She knew what Jane could do if you got her angry.

The red-eyed beauty took a deep breath in and said, "We're not friends for ten minutes."

Hermione gasped. How could she ask that of her? She and Jane had been best friends forever! Why would she ask something like that… and why would it be for only ten minutes?

"But it's my birthday!" Hermione whined. She was turning 16 today and wasn't up for having any drastic changes. She was already going through a lot of them anyways. You know, with Ron and Harry and all.

"Come on! Please?" Jane begged. She took Hermione's other hand and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"If you didn't have me, you'd be a nun." Hermione reminded Jane.

Jane glared at Hermione but then took a moment to think over that. I guess she was right.

"That's a horrible thing to say… but you're right."

Just then, a knock came from the door. Jane let go of Hermione's hands and stiffened, she seemed scared… or nervous, one of the two. She needed Hermione to do this one thing for her. She depended on Hermione! She just needed her to do this for one thing.

Jane thought of a quick thing to say. "Why must you hurt me when I've shown you nothing but love?"

Hermione looked at her feet and felt stupid. She was right. Jane always had been so nice to her, loved her so much, was the best friend. It must have been a rule or something to do stuff like that.

"Please Hermione? I mean, it's kind of a given. There are rules to being best friends. Plus, this is important."

Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed. "Oh, you and your rules."

Jane gave Hermione one more kiss on her cheek and turned to face the door. This was her moment, she had to prove herself worthy then she could be one of them.

"And I guess whatever this is must be important for you. I won't be your friend, but for only ten minutes!" Hermione said.

"Thank you for understanding why that's important."

She took one last look at Hermione. Hermione's face was serious and Jane nodded as if to start the end of their friendship for ten minutes.

"From now on, you will obey me!" Jane warned.

Hermione nodded and backed off, sitting at a table near by. She had no idea what was going on but whatever it was, she'd do it for her friend. Besides, everything Jane said was true.

Jane took a step towards the door, but then back peddled and ran back to Hermione. She wasn't sure what she should be doing, should she just say 'Come in' or answer it? Or should she be torturing Hermione or should she be talking to her.

She decided to go with the 'I didn't hear the door, but come in, I was just talking to Hermione' trick.

She took Hermione's hand and looked her in the eyes.

"Now we have to think about something to talk about."

Hermione was confused. Weren't they not supposed to be friends for ten minutes? Weren't they not supposed to talk or something? Hermione really didn't want to talk about anything, it was almost three thirty in the morning and she was tired.

"Ahhh… I'm tired, and I need a martini."

Jane didn't want to deal with Hermione and her alcohol addiction. So she just rolled her eyes and pinched Hermione again which made her glare back at Jane but then burst out laughing.

"Shh!" Jane said, putting her finger to her mouth. "We aren't friends, remember?"

Hermione smiled and nodded, biting her tongue so she would stop laughing. She knew she had to keep her promise and not be her friend for ten minutes, for some odd reason.

"What should I say to you that will make it seem like I hate you?" Jane asked. Hermione could she her little vampire mind working, trying to figure out something mean to say.

Just then, another knock was at the door and Jane said the first thing that came to her mind.

"Look, I said you're wrong. You're wrong and you're ugly!" Jane yelled. Hermione gave Jane a strange look and Jane mouthed sorry as the door opened. Whoever was at the door must have thought it was a good time to enter.

"Hello ladies…"

Jane and Hermione looked up at the tall, lanky blonde who had been knocking at the door.

"Hello Draco." Jane said. She smiled and blushed… if vampires can blush.

Draco nodded and smiled at Jane. The two stared at each other for a long moment and Hermione began to feel uncomfortable. There was something wicked between those two.

"Can some explain to me what is going on?" Hermione said. Jane looked over her shoulder at Hermione and smiled, but not pleasantly.

"You'll find out soon enough." Jane hissed.

Hermione slumped back in her chair and sighed. "God, I'm tired."

Jane laughed and said, "Do you want me to punch you in the head or something?"

Hermione glared at Jane. She was really starting to piss her off.

Draco smirked. "Not in a good mood, mudblood?"

Hermione glared at Draco now. "I'm always in a good mood. I'm just ugly."

Jane gave Hermione an apologetic look, knowing that her previous ugly comment had probably made Hermione feel really bad. The young witch was always jealous of Jane's good looks.

Draco laughed and Hermione could tell he probably agreed with her. After all, any mudblood, Draco's opinion, was disgusting, a disgrace. She hated Draco so much, he thought he was so wonderful.

"You've got that one right, Hermione. Bravo." Draco clapped sarcastically and Hermione felt like she'd explode.

"Oh, and you're so perfect?" Hermione asked, hating him more and more by the minute.

Draco was perfect… in Jane's opinion. I mean, who could keep their eyes off of him?

"At least I'm not the one who has a Death Eater as a father!" Hermione said.

"Oh, so now I'm the bad guy?" Draco yelled. Man, she pushed a button. "Let's talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!"

Just then, Jane's eyes widened. She had no idea about this!

"Oh my God, I thought you were gay!" Jane said to Hermione, still in disbelief.

"What?" Draco asked in disbelief.

"She made out with Katie Bell at the Yule Ball, then three others girls after!" Jane said.

"What? No I haven't! It was just the one! Just Katie!" Hermione said, trying her hardest to get off the topic of her experience.

"I remember, you were very drunk." Draco said, joining in.

"I wasn't thaaat drunk."

Jane rolled her eyes and pointed at Hermione. "You pushed Ginny against a wall and gave her a hickie on her boob!"

Hermione stopped to think about that. She had thought that was just a dream.

"Really? Huh. Well I must have been drunk when I did that." Hermione said. "And it wouldn't be gay because we wouldn't tell anyone!"

Draco was shocked. Hermione? Bisexual and a drunk? It almost seemed to good to be true. He loved some sleaze balls.

"Wow Hermione. You sure are slimy." Draco confessed.

"Excuse me?" Hermione was hurt. She didn't want to be considered as slimy.

"I don't mean slimy in a bad way." Draco said, stepping closer to Hermione. He sat down on the table she was sitting at and examined her. She really seemed interesting now.

"Hermione, I think I've missed judged you," Draco said. "What do you think of me?"

Jane wasn't too happy about this. Things were not going her way; she really wanted things to be her way right now.

But, Jane was happy to hear Hermione's next comment.

"So far, I've experienced coldness and evil."

Draco rolled his eyes and stood up, making his way to stand beside Jane once again.

"That's because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens."

Jane laughed at that comment. It was true that Draco was filled with hate, but kittens for Hermione? Really?

"So, are we ready?" Jane asked. "Where are we meeting them again?"

"We're meeting in the Room of Requirements, but there's still blood in there from the last meeting." Draco said.

Hermione was shocked. She began to feel scared. What was going on here? There was blood in the room they were going to and Hermione did not like blood.

"I… I just… melted. I just melted." Hermione said. She sank down in her chair and felt her face become very pale, just as pale as Jane's.

Draco laughed and Jane smirked. Hermione gave Jane another confused look. She seemed lost, like she had no idea what they were doing.

"We're going to the dark side!" Jane said, over enthusiastically.

'Oh please…" Hermione sighed. "That phrase is so overrated."

Jane sighed and bent down to look Hermione straight in the eyes.

"The last time you told me something was overrated, I got pregnant." Jane said.

This made Hermione laugh and remember the good old days when they were just twelve years old. She remembered something that Ginny had told her that she had then passed on to Jane.

"And if he asks you to pet the dog, for the love of God, you pet the dog." They both recited together. They both laughed and for a second, became friends again. Draco tapped Jane's shoulder and gave her a confused look which made her straighten up and smack Hermione on the hand.

Draco took Jane's hand and looked her in the eyes. "I need some shit. And who's going to buy me some shit? You."

Jane nodded and began walking out of the library with Draco, holding his hand tightly.

"Wait up you guys!" Hermione yelled, running after them. "I thought I was supposed to come with you?"

Jane and Draco exchanged glances and shrugged.

"Well, you can walk with us, or you can just lie down and die." Draco said. This made Jane fall into a fit of laughter, which woke up several paintings.

"Hey! I'm trying to sleep over here! Shut up!" A painting of an old man said to the trio.

Draco glared at the man and stuck his tongue out. "No. This is not Burger King; you cannot have it your way."

Hermione laughed and threw her hand up in the air for a high five but with one evil glare from Jane, she quickly put it back down. She got it; Draco was Jane's, not Hermione's.

"So…" Hermione said as they began walking again. "Can I invite Harry to come along with us?"

Jane and Draco stopped in their tracks and turned to look at Hermione. Was she joking?

"What?" Hermione asked.

"I don't think so. Besides, he made a lot of mistakes." Jane warned.

"Yeah? So he made a mistake! Whatever." Hermione said, desperately wanting him to come along so she would have a hand to hold.

"He's a pedophile!" Jane said. Didn't she realize that by now?

Hermione shrugged. "It was a big mistake! Whatever still! Please?"

"He's a creep! No!" Jane warned once more.

"It's that, or his mom didn't love him enough." Draco shrugged.

"What are you talking about? His mother died idiot!" Hermione yelled.

Draco shrugged and looked at Jane. He could see Jane really didn't want Harry to come along but he did and things should always be his way.

"I think he can come, Jane." Draco said.

Jane huffed but gave him to his beautiful blue eyes.

"Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion." Jane said.

Hermione smiled and they went to the Gryffindor common room and woke Harry up. He agreed to come and then they were off to the Room of Requirements.

'So, I heard that Dumbledore is retiring. He's getting a bit old, don't you think?"

"No." Harry snapped.

"Oh stop it Harry! You are really starting to become arrogant." Draco hissed.

"It's only arrogance if you're wrong." Harry pointed out. This made the two girls laugh and Draco let go of Jane's hand.

"What was that for?" Jane whispered.

"We're here." Draco said flatly. He turned to face Harry and smacked him at the back of the head.

"Ow!" Harry said.

Hermione looked at Draco, shocked. "What was that for?"

Draco smirked. "Something about the way he said that made me want to hit him."

He turned to look at the blank wall and thought hard about what he needed. He needed that rabbit.

Just then, a large door formed and opened. The four stepped in the dark room and lights turned on.

On the other end of the long room was a small animal, chained to the wall. As they got closer, Hermione could see it was a small, white rabbit in a waistcoat.

Just then, he looked up at them and a big smile spread across his face and he started singing. Harry and Hermione exchanged curious glances and looked at Draco and Jane for knowledge but they just glared at the rabbit.

He continued singing, "They're gonna get you. They're gonna come in the night while you sleep; those little white bunnies and fairies with songs to fill your sad world!"

Hermione couldn't help but laugh. This little guy was hilarious. Why was he chained to the wall? She felt sad for the little guy, just as sad as she was for those house elves.

"This is cruel." Hermione said. "Haven't you read anything on animal rights?"

Jane shot a nasty glare at Hermione. "I'm wearing leather boots. Do I look like I give a shit about animal rights?"

Hermione sighed and gave an apologetic look to the rabbit. "Why can't they just tolerate you? I know rabbits can be a little hard to control but really!"

"You should make them drink their way to tolerance!" The rabbit sang.

Hermione laughed and pushed through Jane and Draco to be closer to the poor creature. But then a strange smell came into her nostrils from the animal.

"Why do you smell like alcohol?" Hermione asked in disgust.

"Because it's Tuesday!" The rabbit sang once more. "Did you know that if I have a little girl, I want her to either have the highest moral standards or be as ugly as shit?"

Hermione was very confused. And so was Harry. And so was Jane. And so was Draco.

"I think only a gay person would understand that or feel sympathetic.

"Sometimes I wish I were gay." Jane admitted.

Hermione and Jane laughed. That was actually very funny, given the circumstances that Hermione was sort of.

"…You were kidding, right?"

Jane just shrugged and Hermione all of a sudden felt very, very curious.

Draco glared at the two. "Please you guys! I need to concentrate and I need you right now Hermione."

"What?" Hermione asked in disbelief. Jane just shrugged and looked at the rabbit once more.

The rabbit started singing again. "I can break whatever I want, because _I _can fix it!"

They all looked at each other, having to no idea what he was talking about.

Draco bent down and grabbed the rabbit by his waistcoat which made him laugh very loudly and caressed Draco's hand.

"You pathetic thing!!" He yelled. "You! I will kill your family!"

The rabbit laughed once more and sang, "There's only one option…suicide."

Now, Hermione was confused. This rabbit was very, very drunk.

Draco dropped the rabbit and unchained him. "You and I are having two totally different conversations."

Draco turned to look at Hermione and reached in his pocket to grab a piece of paper.

"Have your wand?" he asked.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, why?"

Draco gave the paper to Hermione and she looked at it. It was a very long spell.

"What's this for?" Hermione asked.

Jane took Hermione's hand and looked her in the eyes. "We need you to say this spell so that this rabbit will leave and go back to where he came from. Whenever we say it, he just gets even more drunk."

Hermione was confused. This was why she couldn't be Jane's friend? It didn't make sense.

"Why did you not want to be friends for ten minutes?" Hermione asked. Oops, she wasn't supposed to say that.

"Hermione!" Jane yelled. "You weren't supposed to let Draco know that!"

Draco rolled his eyes. "So, you lied to me? You really are still friends with the mudblood?"

Jane sighed and looked at her feet. "yes."

Draco rolled his eyes and asked Hermione to say the spell. So she did and poof, the rabbit disappeared.

"That was… so easy." Hermione said. Harry shrugged and patted Hermione on the shoulder.

"I'm going to bed now. This was pointless." So he did. He left them all alone in the Room of Requirements.

Hermione turned to Draco and Jane, not sure what question to ask first.

"Did I ruin your date?" Hermione asked.

Jane just laughed and began to walk to the exit. "Yes, but whatever. I better go."

And… well, she did. It was just Draco and Hermione now.

"So…are you really that badass Hermione?" Draco asked.

Hermione just shrugged. "I guess."

Draco laughed and took her hand. "Wanna go back to the Slytherin common room with me?"

Hermione laughed. "Sure thing. Any martinis?"

"Anything you want." Draco laughed.

They left the Room of Requirements and when they got back to Draco's common room; they stripped down to their underwear and sat beside each other on the couch, drinking some badass martinis.

"So, why did you want to get rid of that rabbit?" Hermione asked as she finished her martini. Okay, now she was drunk enough to kiss Malfoy.

"He kept singing." Draco said. He leaned forward and kissed Hermione lightly on the lips.

"So?" She asked in between more kisses.

"This isn't a musical."


End file.
